Late update acknowledging transitions

Last week, I decided to give myself a break from my usual weekly updates. This week, I didn’t even write down our daily activities like I normally do. I went out of town one evening, and I let life move forward differently. 

This won’t be the first time I’ve mentioned expectations, and I’ll happily repeat that I try my best not to have them. I like to have the awareness to set intentions, check in, and adjust as needed. Over and over again. When much is changing, this process becomes more exhausting; even though it’s mostly passive, there’s more information to process, and often more unknowns. 

I let go of expectations and routine this week. It was uncomfortable. I wish I could say I handled it more gracefully because that means I would have felt better about it, but I feel my entire reality adjusting and it’s not easy to let go of a comfort zone. With awareness and perspective, I see I’m making necessary shifts in my life and the “comfort” I found to protect what I could of myself within an abusive relationship isn’t going to serve me long term. I’ve popped that bubble and reentered social life, and I’m finding my way. 

This changes how I show up for life, how I show up to write, the perspective I reflect and share from… That’s why I’m mentioning all this here. We’re not doing “business as usual” when usual keeps changing, and I think it often does for neurodivergent individuals. We’re fed a narrative of mental health depending on consistency, and it seems tied to external factors more than the internal ones. 

My personal consistency is growth which means changes happen internally and externally often. I’m not here to stay the same. I’m here to heal, to grow, to create, to embrace life, and let myself be free. 

Expectations that I tried to model have caused so much hurt and dissonance. I’m not following the unspoken rules anymore. I AM free. From societal expectations – and when I can work through my mind, from myself as well. I set intentions, and I don’t know if they’re all going to come along. Where am I headed now? I don’t know. This is the transition. Let’s see!

I’ve been waiting to post this until I had summarized our weekly update, intending to include weeks 22 and 23 together since I had given myself that week off in the last post. Now I’m just going to post this as it’s own update from a week ago, finish those summaries as I get to them, and then post about our next steps to get caught up!  I’m in a transition, and it makes sense that my personal writing would reflect that as well. Authenticity and transparency have been major goals from the beginning, and they won’t be compromised to keep up any appearances. Let’s normalize neurodivergent needs and preferred lifestyles instead of continuing to cause harm.

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